Toxic Masculinity

By BODHI BECKER '20

Toxic masculinity is one of the most complex and vague terms of the modern day gender equality movement. According to Teaching Tolerance, an online resource for educators, “Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood...where strength is everything while emotions are a weakness”

Broken down, this definition defines toxic masculinity not as a neurological concept, but as a pervasive societal pressure. Men are taught that they need to be dominant, aggressive and sexually accomplished in order to be “true men.” According to Don McPherson, former NFL quarterback turned activist, “We don't raise boys to be men. We raise boys to not be women or gay men. We don't affirm what a loving man is. We're not supposed to be effeminate or care or love or be sensitive, and it's all utter BS because we are all these things.” In an effort to fit in and prove oneself, this misconception of masculinity is often fostered in schools, locker rooms, and even in the privacy of one’s home.

When students were asked whether they think this culture exists at Milton, every student had something different to say. One nameless student said, “in certain parts of Milton, yes, it exists, but in the daily life of a Milton student, [students] probably wouldn't run into [toxic masculinity] unless they're on specific sports teams, or in specific dorms—maybe around specific people.” The same student estimated that about 99% of people with whom he spends time exhibit toxically masculine traits; Connor Brown ‘20 gave the number 95%, and others gave numbers as low as 12%. While each student gave a different explanation of how toxic masculinity impacts our community, every single interviewee said that toxic masculinity exists, at least in some capacity, at Milton.

One of the most harmful aspect of this toxic culture is its impact on women. Catcalling, for instance, is a common manifestation of toxic masculinity; in a study by Stop the Street Harassment, over 99% of women surveyed had experienced some form of street harassment, ranging from leering, to whistling, to physical assault. Dominant behavior, when constantly reinforced, leads to more than just catcalling; this behavior manifests as domestic abuse, rape, and, according to a Harper’s Bazaar article, even mass shootings. This behavior can easily, and subversively, be reinforced by authority figures or popular culture. These reinforcements range from rap music, which has been pointed out as problematic because of lyrics that praise the “conquest” of women (“The Marshall Mathers LP” by Eminem, for instance), to James Bond, whose partiality to “Bond girls” is world-famous. A USA Today article about the price of toxic masculinity argues that Trump’s presidency proved that toxic masculinity can be rewarded by society and therefore sets a dangerous example for future generations.

Toxic masculinity also explains much of the emotional repression that is so common among men. Boys are often told while they are young to withhold emotion; common phrases like “be strong” and “don’t cry” are subtle indicators of a broader issue. Connor Brown ‘20 said, “you see guys in the dorm put on this facade, but they’re not that person when you sit down and talk with them, and that's just not good for you, it's not good for your health, and the longer that you keep that up, the worse it will become for you.” Our societal standard of repression is fundamentally dangerous and can lead to long-term emotional problems, as well as problems with mental health.

The question becomes, then, how can we combat this issu?. The first action that men can take is to accept that toxic masculinity is a problem and to try to look for it in their lives. When men begin to understand the dangers of toxic masculinity, they can work to defy gender stereotypes within their own lives. Perhaps most importantly, by addressing the problem in ourselves, we can pass new knowledge on to the teenagers and children at risk of being raised in the same hypermasculine cycle. Whether or not a person is able to recognize these harmful influences in their life, they can try to create a more understanding culture that does not encourage male superiority or objectification of women. Dismantling toxic masculinity is a tall order, but the change doesn't have to be immediate or massive—it can be as simple as educating your friends about this toxic culture.

You can support men who may want to open up and shake off the layers of toxic societal pressures that have built up throughout their whole lives. Isaac Goldings (I) said that “a lot of the power of toxic masculinity is when everyone either agrees...and participates, or just doesn't say anything about it. I think that realistically, there are a lot of people who disagree with that culture, but don't say anything, because it's just the way things are.” As a community, we need to open up a dialogue. We need understand that the culture we have now is not the only option and that we can push past the pressures of toxic masculinity. Men should no longer have to force themselves or their friends into predetermined masculine roles. Toxic masculinity is not predetermined.

The issue of toxic masculinity is fraught, complex and messy, but the only thing we as a society can do help each other and help ourselves to become more healthy, safe, and equal. The only way we can do it is together.