Parents Day is Fake
By LYNDSEY MUGFORD ‘19
The vast majority of the Milton student body has suffered through a Parents’ Day class before. If you haven’t, let me describe it for you: your teacher has you do some “special performance” you’d otherwise never do; your mom breaths down your neck and gives an eager double thumbs up whenever you open your mouth; the usually-grumpy teacher suddenly acts downright angelic. Let me say just say it now; parents’ day classes are fake, but not just because of the pressure on students to “perform.”
Don’t get me wrong—I understand why parents’ day classes have that performative atmosphere. Everyone’s stressed. We all know that students are on edge; the invisible parental pressures that are usually distant are suddenly physically present, sitting directly behind students and carefully scrutinizing every comment or contribution. In response, students either over-participate in attempt to show off or go silent at the fear of scrutiny. Both reactions disrupt the normal flow of the classroom and prevent an accurate glimpse into the class’s typical function.
However, teachers, too, feel they must impress. I’m not a teacher, but I imagine that parents’ day creates pressures to appear confident and capable in order to be taken seriously. I’ve even seen teachers dress up for the occasion, exchanging casual everyday-wear for jackets and ties. It’s easy to imagine that this pressure affects younger teachers especially, some of whom are meeting parents much older than they. Within a brief, 45-minute window, teachers must convince parents to trust them with their child’s education—a daunting task. Not to mention, teachers must face the age-old question: do they conduct a “regular” class to give parents an accurate experience and just have them sit idly by, or do they create a relevant but singular activity that parents can actually engage in? The former is awkward and dry, while the latter isn’t realistic. Either way, something in the class feels off.
Parents act strangely on parents’ day too, possibly because some see it as their one chance to understand their child’s daily life. I know that I’m not always the most communicative kid, and when my parents have asked me about my day, I’ve definitely delivered the vague “it was good” response. So, when parents over-enthusiastically participate without being asked, I really see the spur-of-the-moment weirdness as a strange attempt to connect with their child’s experience. Parents are usually just excited to be here and see what we do. Just like students and teachers feel pressure to perform, parents feel pressure to make the most of this experience.
My point is, parents’ day is fake because everyone feels a need to be perfect and, consequently, everyone is just weird. Ideally, I’d tell everyone to take a deep breath and just go through the day normally, but I know that quick-fix, vague solution won’t do much immediate good. Instead, I want to give the parents a simple message: don’t put too much weight into what you see today, good or bad. Use parents’ day as a data point rather than the full picture, and try to use the experience as a tool to better orient yourself to your child’s surroundings. Don’t rely on it for an accurate understanding; instead, check in with your child throughout the year to ask about what their experience is really like. And, students: in return, we should probably answer them with more than, “good.” If both sides agree to do their part in this dynamic, parents can gain a deeper understanding of what actually goes on here, and everyone can stress a little less about making parents’ day perfect.