Milton Knocks Down a Wall: Gay Couples Permitted to Live in Dorms - Volume 18, Number 17

By Anne Rabbino

“The contradictions Milton’s policy embodied were frustrating,” says Alda Balthrop-Lewis (I), Co-Head of Common Ground. “People around here would say that we’re a diverse school, but then we don’t allow homosexual couples to live together in dorms. That’s frustrating.” The policy to which Balthrop-Lewis refers is the rule that prevented unmarried couples from living together in the dorms. As Massachusetts does not recognize same-sex marriages, homosexuals on the Milton faculty were formerly put in a difficult position as they could not pursue a relationship with their loved ones while living together in the dorm. Recently, however, the Executive Committee of the Board of Trustees approved a measure to allow committed homosexual couples to live together in dorms. According to Peter Keyes (History), this decision was revealed “by accident at the end of a faculty meeting. There has been no discussion since.”

Although conversations about the change in policy have been sparse, the old policy had been a point of contention among many at Milton. According to John Banderob (Math), the policy was made when the school did not want unmarried couples to live in the dorms, and thus set a bad example for the students. He points out that Milton’s policy “was never specifically pointed at gay people. The policy was made before the word ‘out’ existed; when the word ‘gay’ meant ‘happy.’” Dr. Robin Robertson (Head of School), who brought the policy’s unintended consequence to the attention of the Board of Trustees, says the impetus for her actions came last year “when the question arose.” She says that when she came to the school she was very surprised to learn about the policy, and quickly realized that something should be done to change it. 

The new policy will not, however, mean that any faculty member, homosexual or heterosexual, will be allowed to live a “promiscuous” lifestyle. As Ricky Banderob (Math) believes, this new policy should only extend to “committed relationships because if the kids in the dorm are aware of one-night stands, a bad model is being set.” She also believes that the new policy should extend only to homosexual faculty, as heterosexual teachers have the legal option of marriage if they want to live in the dorms. According to Dr. Robertson, the policy will be an option only for those couples who are in committed, long-term relationships and are involved in unions that are not recognized by the state of Massachusetts. The couples will have to sign an Affidavit of Partnership, a legally-binding document that indicates emotional and financial bonds, and ‘asks for evidence that there is something more than an ‘I love you.’” Michael Lou (History), the faculty advisor to GASP, says the Affidavit of Partnership is “very clear, with criteria regarding insurance, joint-ownership of property, join bank accounts, and a mortgage.” Lou believes that it is important to have these criteria, because, although it was unfair to homosexual faculty not to be able to live with a partner simple because the state did not recognize a partnership as legal, “the school should definitely find ways to make sure the partnership is committed and long-lasting.” 

In the past few years, many students and faculty have wondered why it has taken Milton, a school known for its progressive attitudes and liberal stances, so long to change its inadvertently discriminatory policy. Also, now that Milton has taken this important step, some students and faculty are surprised that the news has not traveled very quickly around campus. When asked why the administration has not made a formal announcement concerning the change, Dr. Robertson replied, “Why should we? All we did is correct a misalignment of our policies. Milton has always been a proponent of equal rights.” Mr. Lou echoed Robertson’s sentiments by declaring that this is “a natural adjustment to our policy.” Dr. Robertson also pointed out that for years Milton has allowed same-gender couples to take advantage of financial benefits, indicating that Milton does not have a history of sexual orientation discrimination. Indeed, to most, the old policy was more of an oversight than any active discrimination towards homosexuals. Still, however, the delay to mend the fault is somewhat embarrassing. As John Banderob says, “Milton Academy finally gets on the equal-rights bandwagon after six years! We don’t need that kind of publicity. We say as a school that we support different religions, races, and sexual orientations. It’s time to put our money where our mouth is.” Although Mr. Lou agrees, he notes that making the change in policy is a brave step, and he gives a lot of credit to both Dr. Robertson and the Board of Trustees. He knows that she has been “extremely supportive of this change, and has been working quietly and consistently to accomplish her goal.”

Although the change has been largely praised on campus, many worry about the reactions of parents, both current and prospective. Ricky Banderob notes that “there’s not going to be a sign in Admissions” about the new policy. However, she points out that if parents of prospective and current students are upset, “then this is probably not the only thing that will upset them.” although Mr. Lou recognizes that students might also feel uncomfortable about the change he stresses that “the whole point of Milton is to learn, and Milton is a great place to learn about tolerance and diversity.” Mr. Lou also hopes that the change will give some of the more dubious students the opportunity to observe gays and lesbians who are in committed relationships. Certainly, the acceptance of same-gender couples in the dorms may result in an increase in openly gay faculty in the dorms, as Milton now firmly requests that all new faculty spend the first five years in the dorm. In the past, some prospective faculty members may have lost interest in Milton once they learned that their life partners were not welcome in the dorms. 

While most students think that the Trustees’ decision is a positive one, some express doubt. John Lubin (IV) acknowledges that if he had to live with a same-gender couple, he’d feel “scared” and would ask to move. Lubin says that he has “respect for gay people, but would feel unncomfortable living with them.” Notes Sam Blake (IV), “I would probably be a bit uncomfortable [living with a homosexual couple] at first, but later learn to deal with it.” Some, like Julian Madden (II), who says that he and his family feel fairly comfortable with the idea of same-gender couples in forms, do not feel as uncomfortable. However, Hernan Ortiz (I) says that although he personally thinks it’s okay to have homosexual couples in forms, he thinks that his parents would “disapprove and ask what’s wrong with this school.” An anonymous male boarder, who is Catholic, comments that the Pope says to respect and not oppress gay peolpe. This student, though, added that both he and his mother disagree with “homosexual” values. Andre Sigourney (I) who lives in Wolcott along with Lubin, Blake, Madden and Ortiz, says that in his first years at Milton he might have agreed with many of his dorm mates, but meeting “great guys who happen to be gay” has made him more comfortable with gay people. Sigourney would feel completely comfortable with a gay faculty member in the dorm.

Many feel that this validation of same-gender unions and homosexual life-style will encourage more gay and lesbian teachers to come to Milton. This new policy promises to be a model for both homosexual and heterosexual students for years to come.